Suppose you’ve come to know of your son or daughter having made what appears to be a solid, strong and growing friendship with another child. But, after several days or weeks passing, you’ve never met this other child, Child X, who is possibly of – to you - indeterminate age, gender, background, habits, inclinations, manner, religion, health or requirements. Now, what do you think would be required or appropriate action on your part, especially in regard to your responsibilities towards your child’s safety? How about in regard to your legal obligations to properly look after your child?

Now, here’s a similar questionnaire that you can ask you children to read and complete, either by writing answers or just going through them in their head.

How do you rate… as a son or daughter…

1. Do you rely on your mother to “get you up”?
2. Do you keep your eyes open for odd jobs about the house that you could well do? Do you then do them?
3. Do you expect menus to be planned around your food preferences?
4. Do you take it as a matter of course that your mother should do “extras” for you, such as ironing something at the last moment?
5. Do you, in making plans for the evening or weekend, take care not to overlook your parents?
6. Are you unscrupulous about borrowing your parents’ personal possessions?
7. Do you treat your home as a free boarding house?
8. Do you automatically regard your parents’ opinions as old-fashioned and therefore worthless?
9. Do you always say “Just a minute” when asked to do anything?

As a parent, if your child does read and answer the nine questions above, make sure you don’t insist that they either show you their written answers. Equally, don’t insist that they tell you their answers. Remember, it’s almost always okay to ask. Nonetheless, the list could be a useful discussion-base for learning a lot about your child or children.

A low-key, relaxed and no-expectations-attached discussion about both sets of answers – parents’ and childrens’ – ought to open up numerous opportunities to discuss your own family values, expectations, disappointments and frustrations.
Oh, by the way, the two sets of nine questions were taken directly from a copy of Good Housekeeping.
The publication date? 1940.
Some things just never change, do they?
Dan Arnold works confidentially on a one-to-one basis with parents, either face-to-face or over the telephone. He also presents Talks, Workshops and Seminars on Parenting, Relationships, and Thinking Skills to Schools, Groups and Companies.  He can be contacted on 087 – 7506 771, or at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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