The Christmas season is upon us.

Complete the following sentence - preferably on a sheet of paper – at least ten times, thinking of a different but meaningful-to-you ending each time: "For me, Christmas means…" Write the statements quickly, putting down the first thought that comes into your head each time. Don't edit, judge or control your writing.

Ask your spouse and each of your children to do the same. If you have to help a young child to write down his or her answers, make sure that you make no judgmental response – using voice, body language, or eyes – while you are acting as secretary. You want to get your child's honest thoughts and feelings, not those that she might judge would please her parent.

Later, compare notes. When you all have some free, un-pressurised time, sit around a table, or by the fireside. Each takes a turn to read one "For me, Christmas means…" until everyone has read out all answers, up to, say, a maximum of ten things that Christmas means. Do this with no guffawing, laughing, ridiculing, or expressive looks that could kill, strangle, or launch a thousand curses.

Just listen in silence. And learn stuff that you'll never again get the chance of knowing. For, next Christmas, it'll be all either gone or utterly changed.

After each person has finished, ease into a gentle, non-invasive discussion about the answers. Ask a child to expand on one of their answers. Don't ask, "Why do you want that?" Instead, ask non-threatening and welcoming questions such as, "What else could you use that for?", "I've never heard of that. Can you tell me a bit about them?", "Mmmm. Now, that sounds like fun! Who else has one of those?"

(Incidentally, a great way of opening up almost any discussion with children, as well as setting it up for some laughs, is to feign or pretend doddering middle-age ignorance about something 'modern' that your child mentions. "Oh, the X Box. Could you use that to store toys or clothes when you'd finish with it?" "The PLEO (a really hi-tech robotic dinosaur which retails at around €350), is that like Play-Dough that you used to have as a toddler? Would I be able to get it for you for, say, a tenner?")

Ignorance can be bliss. And a lot of fun!

Back to "Christmas means." How much of your feelings about what others thought and wrote unsettled you in any way? Why?

Can you treat this "Christmas means" exercise as a bonding opportunity where openness and honesty will be greeted with respect, gratitude and open-mindedness? Or, over the following days, are you more likely to find or create excuses or opportunities for 'getting back' at your son or daughter for being so mean, ungrateful or spiteful?

Can you – are you willing to? - as a parent, respond to the meanness, ingratitude or spitefulness of a son or daughter with parental love, forgiveness, a non-judgemental attitude, and a deep thankfulness for having these blessings – your children - in your life for yet another Christmas season?

Spousal Divergence

How many of, say, the last ten Christmases have been an unhappy, disappointing or overly stressful for you? Is this one shaping up to be the same? Do you and your spouse have similar or quite different attitudes, approaches to, and beliefs about how Christmas should, ought or could be spent and enjoyed? As the years pass on, are those differences growing smaller and less important?

If the gap is widening, do something about it over the coming days leading up to Christmas Day.