I have four suggestions.

Firstly, starting today, consciously choose to begin to make more prudent decisions both as an adult and as a parent. Model prudent living. A big part of prudent living is to move from reacting to responding to family crises, arguments, dilemmas, choices, incidents and errors. And, to strengthen your newly-found responding abilities, you need to take more time to reflect and think about your family life, your responsibilities and opportunities as a family. Maybe you might read a book!

Secondly, encourage your children's skill in sizing up situations. Improve your own as well. Teenagers are notorious for going through a period of black-or-white, wrong-or-right thinking, where subtleties, nuances, complexities or consequences are often brushed aside. If you see you child hesitating over a choice -, especially one where you are going to have to do extra, pay extra, wait longer, or discommode yourself - praise them for attempting to size up the entire situation.

Thirdly, make the related questions, "What's most important to you in this choice… and why?" and "Overall, what's most important about this?" a part of your everyday conversation with your teenager. When they express values, opinions, thoughts, hopes or details of experiences that run contrary to your own, hold your tongue. Go from reaction to reasoned response. Let your son or daughter know that your value a delayed answer that is a thoughtful one over an instant answer that may contain little truth, worth or reflection.

And, fourthly, once your teenager has made a prudent choice, make sure that they enjoy – or endure – the consequences. Getting your child off the hook is more often than not the worst thing you can do as a parent.

Still, however, I am regularly tempted to get myself off the hook. For me, the important question now becomes, have I the moral courage to make the right choices, to do the prudent thing, that I expect my children to do when they get into trouble?

Perhaps I'd better finish reading that book on being a more prudent parent…

Dan Arnold holds a Diploma in Parent Coaching. He gives talks, workshops and seminars on all aspects of parenting countrywide. You can contact Dan on 087 7506 771, or at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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