Picture the scenario: you develop a sore knee, or perhaps a pain in your chest. Off you go to your nearest health practitioner. You sit in the doctor’s office. She takes a swift glance your way.

Before you can describe or explain anything about what’s ailing you, the doctor immediately says, “Right! I’ve just the thing for that; take two of these every four hours. Right, off with you, now.” And, as a parting shot across your bows, as you open the door on your way out, she barks, “And don’t ever do that again, you hear me?”

Yet, how often have you taken the role of the doctor and behaved similarly toward your own children? How apt are you at prescribing a remedy – punishment, discipline measures, or venting our fury – without first taking the time to diagnose? When was the last time you were guilty of PPN - Professional Parental Negligence - by failing to determine the underlying problem with your child, and just going straight for treating the symptoms instead?

With children, the same symptom – misbehaviour – can be used in pursuing a range of different goals. For example, a child that fails to do what she promised to do ten minutes ago.

Is the misbehaviour – the ‘not doing’ – due to an unusually short memory span, a show of power; a display of childhood inadequacy; attention-seeking; or perhaps down to a decisive piece of revenge?

Here are seven parental repair tools worth carrying around with you. Let’s call them your Secret Seven: Look; listen; pause; think; question; tune-in; respond.

Perhaps the most important of these seven is “Question.” Question things that appear superficial. Things that irritate, annoy, anger, frustrate or defeat you when dealing with that child of yours that’s being defiant, frustrating, argumentative, aggressive, or difficult for the tenth time this morning!