The number of relationships rises from a solitary one to three: dad-mum; dad-child; mum-child.

Well, actually, there are now four relationships, because all three family members also form what’s known as a triangle: mum-dad-child.

Now, hold on to your seats, and think of the complexity within this family when child number two arrives!

Now, we go from three distinct relationships within the family, all to the way up to six: mum-dad; mum-child one; mum-child two; dad-child one; dad-child two, and, interestingly, child one-child two.

But, when we look at triangle-relationships – those involving three people – we find, in this four-person family, we now see four triangle relationships, or, at least, the potential for four.

So, with just four people in this family, we have six one-to-one relationships, and four triangles, or at least the potential for four.

We would all, I think, acknowledge the importance of strong, supportive, freedom-enhancing one-to-one relationships with each member of our family, child or adult. Yes? But what are these triangles?

Essentially, any three-way relationship is a triangle, with the basic and most common family triangle being mother, father, and child. Triangles can serve either negative or positive functions, but not a neutral one.

In olden times, when, perhaps three generations of an extended family lived in the one house, or when, perhaps, what was known as a ‘maiden aunt’ lived-in, triangles often served a positive function, like a safety-release valve. If a son and father, for example, were ‘at each other’s throats,’ the son could easily seek solace, advice or support from, say, a living-in or living-nearby grandparent, aunt or uncle. This new triangle would be son-father-grandparent.

However, in today’s ‘nuclear’ family, the possibilities for forming positive and supportive triangles within a family are relatively limited. Grandparents may be living a long way away, or they may, for a variety of reasons, have decided to, or be forced to, ‘stay out’ of the new internal family relationship dynamics.

When one-to-one relationships become overly difficult for two people, a triangle is often the result. For instance, you, a mother, are having continuing arguments, cross words, fights and occasions of indiscipline with your teenage daughter. Obviously, here, this mother-daughter relationship needs attention, support, forgiveness, space, conversation, and an attempt at understanding the other’s point of view.