Unbelievably, you are now expected to keep your kids safe while in transit as well as delivering them to their destination and for that you need special seats. As with much else there is a pecking order and social cache attached to which brand of child car or booster seat you choose.

As a rule of thumb, if you spend less than a month's salary on this essential safety kit you are probably more concerned with your bank balance than your children's safety. Once you've shelled out a small fortune on the seats you will probably have to sell your beloved old car that has served you well and is still in perfectly good order and buy a van with windows of some description.

Many parents now opt for an SUV. The main attraction with these is the sense of safety they provide for you and your kids. It doesn't seem to bother SUV owners that such vehicles are also much more likely to kill poor kids on foot. If you don't go for an SUV it will probably be a "people carrier". These are much likes the vans of the old days except that they have had windows and seats added in the back and cost roughly 50 times more than the equivalent van which they are based on.

The nightmare scenario faces those of you who decide to have three or more kids spaced less than ten years apart. In this case you will need a bus, cunningly made to look like a Fiat Panda or a Ford Focus. The reason is that buses are the only vehicles big enough to accommodate three kids and their NASA designed safety seats.

If you are bringing the kids and yourselves somewhere and you have the audacity to give a lift to a friend or neighbour you will probably need a double-decker bus to carry this out legally. Once you have purchased your vehicle don't be shocked to find out that the Government will then extract half the value of your house from you in taxes because of the size of vehicle that you have purchased.

Don't bother trying to explain to them that you only bought such a large car because you had no choice given the legal obligations placed upon you for transporting children. The most important thing to remember is that all the extra VRT, road and fuel tax you will be shelling out will wisely be spent on saving the planet, well either that or on legal bills for the next tribunal.

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