I cooked her simple food knowing it was the for the last time too. Looking back now this was our goodbye. I just didn't see it at the time.

If she knew she was dying and never told me then I think it is the bravest of things that she did but also it must have been so sad and lonely, because dying is the one thing we must all do alone.. As she slowly slipped away our family grew closer together, my brothers, sisters and father. I suppose it was our coping mechanism kicking in, each looking out for the other and yet each equally lost.

Even after my mother passed away we still clung together for the weeks ahead, but then as time passed of course we all slowly withdrew, wounded and broken hearted, back inside our own fragile lives to grieve, alone. I think that's the hardest part of all, the horrible isolation of grief and the fear of sharing it or even bringing it up in case people either don't understand, or worse, don't care.

How many of us have asked dead loved ones for signs from the otherside? all of us I would suggest. How many get them?. It's a bad time to be hearing about comets and gas and evolution right now, when I desperatley want to believe that the pain and horrid emptiness of loss is only temporary and a small price to pay in return for the absolute joy of meeting those we have truly loved, soon again.

Then it would be so easy to carry on and even be happy. Science challenges that right now, unfortunatley in a cold, calculated and unfeeling way.

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