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Rice means rice!

Thursday, 28th March, 2019 9:08am

The other day I was asked if I have ever tried cauliflower rice. Oh, the conversation that followed could entertain anyone for weeks!

I replied that I have eaten cauliflower and rice and I have eaten cauliflower with rice. But in case she meant the shredded cauliflower that some people call rice these days – then no, I haven’t.

Nor have I eaten a cauliflower base pizza or a cauliflower steak. This marketing ploy of naming things something else to price it at a much higher value is getting out of hand. Courgette spaghetti will cost you three times the price of a single courgette that would give you the same amount of ‘spaghetti’. Let’s face it, it is still courgette no matter how you cut, slice or chop it.

I sang a happy Hallelujah when France adopted a new regulation that food has to be named what it actually is. I think it only applies to sausage, chicken etc at the moment but I am hopeful that it will go further.

Just because you are shredding some poor little white knobbly cabbage, doesn’t mean you should call it rice. You might be cutting out carbohydrate but however you use the cauliflower, it will never be rice.

My friends are always laughing at me when I get into one of my fits and rant about the ‘clean eating brigade’ and their silly replacement titles. I don’t seem to be the only one being so vocal about this subject, as I saw in a supermarket the other day that cauliflower rice has been taken off the shelf – only to be replaced by - wait for it - cauliflower couscous!

I stood there utterly flabbergasted and for once in my life absolutely speechless (much to the amusement of my friend who was with me). There I was, questioning everything about the world and asking myself if people are really that gullible to buy any of that rubbish. While I was staring at the packaging and trying to keep my breathing calm, a woman came and placed a pack in her trolley. She ignored my shocked face and moved on her merry way.

I thought my friend was going to topple over from laughing as she truly enjoyed my utter disbelief in human nature.

I follow a few of these vegan pages and a lot of them are happy when they find chicken flavoured wings, vegan sausages and even vegan fish’n chips.

My lovelies, this is processed stuff (don’t really want to call it food). If you want to cut any animal protein out of your diet (and I personally think you should consult a doctor before you consider doing anything as drastic), please cook from scratch and stay away from these replacement things and please save your money by buying a whole head of cauliflower.

You will have a few ‘steaks’ and several portions of ‘rice’ and ‘couscous’ for half the price of one of those items.

Now, where can I get a nice portion of traditional fish’n’chips?

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