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So Last Season

Dancing queens and cycling hens

Wednesday, 1st August, 2018 4:57pm

I recently spent a weekend in Kent, and it’s true what they say, it’s the garden of England.

Of course, it helped that it was sunny and somewhere in the thirty plus degrees so we really got the full power of its beauty. My reason for being there was that I was on a hen party and really it all felt terribly mature and grown up.

We stayed in a converted barn, we swam in the outdoor pool, sipped prosecco and (this is a first for me) we cycled from Faversham to Whitstable which is a 20 mile cycle!

I mean nothing screams women in their mid thirties on a hen like a good old cycle in the countryside. Gone be with the days of clubbing and drinking at the airport.

Now I can honestly say I have not cycled a bike in about 15 years, so when I spotted this on the itinerary in amongst the one thousand emails you are obliged to receive when you are in any way involved in a hen party, it’s fair to say I was not overly enthused about the whole thing.

My main concern was what does one wear when cycling especially when you will have to go for drinks afterwards and you certainly don’t relish the thought of wearing lycra.

I have not thankfully joined the ranks of the MAMILs (middle aged men in lycra) yet and so I was thrown into a quandary of planning what to wear during our cycle while also having to deal with the heatwave that was occurring. Immediately I felt like wearing jeans were out of the question because I haven’t managed to put denim on my body in about two months so the thought of wearing them while exercising was tremendously off putting.

I did, however, feel that I would be more comfortable in trousers and so began my search for a comfortable and lightweight pants. The idea of wearing a dress on a bike just did not appeal to me.

In the end, I had two options that I thought would work quite well. My first idea was to wear a pair of red and white polka dot culottes which had a little bit of a wide leg and to just pair this with a white t-shirt. My second option involved a red leopard print, wide leg, culotte jumpsuit which I would wear with some statement green earrings because even when physically exerting yourself you can never forget about an accessory.

Naturally, I went for the more flamboyant second option and to avoid the legs of my trousers getting stuck in the spokes I just tied them up with hair bobbles. Who needs bicycle clips when you’ve got a hair accessory to hand? I can also happily report that I only fell off the bike once and that was after making a pitstop half way to enjoy a rejuvenating white wine spritzer.

As if all the cycling wasn’t enough, we also were instructed that the theme for later in the evening would be ABBA. It was polyester a go-go which really is not quite the fabric you want to be wearing when it’s very hot but we made the most of it and pulled our best looks out of the bag.

I, of course, went as Bjorn complete with fake moustache and really I don’t know how people manage with facial hair. My face was roasting from it all. But why the ABBA theme you ask? It really had more to do with the hen being Swedish and less to do with it coincidentally being the weekend release of ‘Mamma Mia II’, but of course, we looked like some deranged women all off to see the movie when we rocked up to the sleepy village of Faversham later that night.

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