‘I can’t deny this anymore’

“I was holding back because I didn’t know how my mum would react and as far as I was concerned, she was the central part of my life.”

Those were the words of Dara Jan McGann speaking about the decision to transition and live as a transgender female.

Dara has been known for being the singing taxi driver from Cork on ‘Britain’s Get Talent’.

Dara said: “This has been an issue for me for as long as can remember. Around the ages of eight and nine in school I felt completely different, totally different. Primary school was a killer, I was always being bullied and being called sissy. Kids can be horrible and can come up with horrible names.

“When I went into secondary school, it was a living torment, a living hell. As I think back to that time, I self-harmed during puberty as I was in disgust with my body. This was back in the late ‘80s, early ‘90s when nothing like this was ever spoken about.”

Dara said there was no one to talk to and didn’t have close friends in school to talk to about it and say ‘I don’t feel right’.

“I just had to try to deal with it myself,” said Dara speaking on the ‘The 96FM Opinion Line with PJ Coogan’.

“When I came out as gay, and I’m going back ten years ago, I always knew in my heart of hearts that this was always a stop gap, I wasn’t really dealing with the real truth. Parents will accept their child in anyway that they are, but parents will worry that it’s a difficult life for anybody that is gay or lesbian.”

Dara said the LGBTQI community are non- judgemental and very much accepting of people.

“I felt so at home there, but I still knew I wasn’t going the full distance. I was holding back because I didn’t know how my mum would react and as far as I was concerned, she was the central part of my life.

“She’s 86. I took her away to Kerry in August for a staycation. We were relaxed, chilled out and in a very happy place. That is what gave me the confidence to decide that I needed to come out to mum. I think she can handle and accept it.”

Dara added: “I sat down with mum one morning and said ‘I need to have a chat with you’. I said ‘Medically I’m fine but everything else is not fine. Look mum, I know you were so upset when I came out as gay because you felt in your heart of hearts that I wasn’t really gay and maybe there was an element of truth in that. The fact is I’m what they call, the clinical term is, transgender’.” Dara continued: “I’ve been with a clinical psychologist for seven years which she knew about. I said ‘I can’t hide this anymore, I can’t deny this anymore’.

“She said 'I know what you’re saying, you’re actually a girl on the inside’.”

Dara asked her how she knew and she replied: “Do you not see the weight coming off my shoulders? I’ve known this about you since you were a very young age. My biggest regret is that I never had the courage to talk to you about it. Who amongst my friends could I go and talk to about this? They would probably think I was mad. I didn’t have the words and I’m so sorry.”

Dara said: “Shortly after I knew she was quiet in herself and I asked her what was wrong. She said ‘Dara I feel as if I’m losing my little boy’. I said ‘Mum, I get you but I’ve got news for you…you’re gaining his twin sister’.”

Dara is working with a gender clinic in the UK and is on hormone replacement therapy while waiting for a referral to an endocrinologist.